Shooting the breeze

Now I'm one of these people, right - I like to talk about farting. Not just do it - we'll come to that in a minute - but actually talk about it too. And it's not as rare as you might think. My evidence? Well, most adults will look away in embarassment if someone starts talking about their farts; but start talking about a baby's farts and you just can't get a word in edgeways...it's fartistry by proxy; vicarious wind-talking; surrogate flatulence. People are just dying to discuss the finer points of the 'machine-gun' and the 'nappy ripper'.

And why not..? The range is so fascinating, subtle and endlessly inventive that it deserves that kind of discussion. Let's face it - however much I may want to paint, write and compose, that's all going to have to wait (those motor skills are a swine). In the meantime, having a damn good fart, selecting from that richly varied idiom, is one of my few means of self-expression and realisation...so let's celebrate it!

And besides - it HURTS LIKE HELL when it's inside, so just GET IT OUT OF ME!

Prrrrrrrrrrp...pup...pup...prrrp

Ahhhhhhh..gooooo :-)