Monday, July 18, 2005

Big girl for Daddy update

Cool Hand Linda, the Health Visitor, called by today - my new weight (goosebumps and all) is 10lb 8oz (4.76kg) and my length is 56cm, head circumference 37.9cm. Apparently they all put me on something called the 91st centile (which is exacly where I was when I was born). I haven't had time to study too much statistics yet, but it seems that makes me officially a 'big girl for my Daddy' - which seemed to keep him happy. Ah well - simple things, I guess...now FEED ME!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Shooting the breeze

Now I'm one of these people, right - I like to talk about farting. Not just do it - we'll come to that in a minute - but actually talk about it too. And it's not as rare as you might think. My evidence? Well, most adults will look away in embarassment if someone starts talking about their farts; but start talking about a baby's farts and you just can't get a word in edgeways...it's fartistry by proxy; vicarious wind-talking; surrogate flatulence. People are just dying to discuss the finer points of the 'machine-gun' and the 'nappy ripper'.

And why not..? The range is so fascinating, subtle and endlessly inventive that it deserves that kind of discussion. Let's face it - however much I may want to paint, write and compose, that's all going to have to wait (those motor skills are a swine). In the meantime, having a damn good fart, selecting from that richly varied idiom, is one of my few means of self-expression and realisation...so let's celebrate it!

And besides - it HURTS LIKE HELL when it's inside, so just GET IT OUT OF ME!

Prrrrrrrrrrp...pup...pup...prrrp

Ahhhhhhh..gooooo :-)